


nokia 1101

by iwannaplaypokemonshield



Category: Akudama Drive (Anime)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Texting, only read if you like pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:21:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28413810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwannaplaypokemonshield/pseuds/iwannaplaypokemonshield
Summary: Cutthroat: yay!!! I made u a cake cwouwier san :3Courier:  i dont eat
Relationships: Courier/Cutthroat (Akudama Drive)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	nokia 1101

Cutthroat took out his nokia 1101 and started texting Courier, also known as the frog killer. 

Cutthroat: owowowowoowowo iyts time to die ner dD hahahahhhashjxsa losSEr qaAAaAaaaaer5rdsqawer52234677612365321wxcdddasjskjy66

Courier: k bye

Cutthroat: D: no come back

Courier: …..hi owo ,,,

Cutthroat: yay!!! I made u a cake cwouwier san :3

Courier: i dont eat

Cutthroat: the cake is in ur backryrd

Suddenly, Mr. Courier became aware of a smell that smelled like dead people. With his very keen sense of smell, he dashed to the source, his “backryrd.” His eyes lit up when he saw the cake. It was made of dead bodies. He became to chomp on his cake. 

Courier: i lik e cake it good !!!! yum

Cutthroat: u eat it all 

Courier: yuh 🤩

Cutthroat: yay ty courieed san

Courier: ……>///< nerd

Cutthroat: u///u waa???!!?!?!?

Courier: i tsunderea i hit u 

Cutthroat: i cut toat 

Courier: i am ded that was a rlly funny joke cut toast san !!! <3

Cutthroat: >//< weally ???

Courier: no

Cutthroat: waAaaaaaaaaaaaa 

Courier: i am going to hit you

Cutthroat: i am going to threqow my knif @ u >-<!!

Courier: noooooo pls cup throne snepai @^@

Cutthroat: ok u sheep 

Courier: i am coming to ur house to break ur phone

Cutthroat: i live in the streets

Courier: omg same ! !! ! 😫

Cutthroat: OMG

Cutthroat: we r roomies !!!!! yas owowwerf!

Courier: i call top bunk

Courier: xp 1!!!11!11!1!1!

Cutthroat: nooooooO O O OO !!@ #4&^%$#@#$%7 🔪🔪🔪

Cutthroat took out his sacred knife, and stabbed Courier in the eye. Courier, unable to see properly, took out his phone to send one last dying text.

Courier: ily baka san!!!! U r mega tsundere ://// stabbing me in tha eye leik dat :(( betrayal 😭

_ Ding. _

Cutthroat received the message five minutes late, after he had killed Courier.

_ (Courier death count: 1) _

“Omg Courier san!!!” Cutthroat hugged Courier's dead body. Then Courier miraculously came back to life because of the POWER OF FRIENDSHIP ™.

“What,” Courier said, very sadly. “Why you kill me?” 

“I did not,” Cutthroat said. 

“Oh okay.”

“I have to go. My mom said to be back before dinner.”

“Bye.”

_ 10 minutes later _

Courier: hey ;DDDDD

Cutthroat: sup mi good sir mi bro 

Courier: y u talk weird 😵

Cutthroat: u see my good sir, i have possessed ur good bro and now im gonna kill u!”

Courier: what why

Courier: i died already today gimme a break ugh 🙄

Cutthroat: what

Cutthroat: ok fine i wont kill u

Courier: thx 

Courier: im hunfry

Cutthroat: idk im a ghost i dont eat

Courier: same

Courier: ooOoO o oOoo O ooO oo oOooOOooOOoo

Cutthroat:

Cutthroat: r u mocking me bro??? sir absolutely not.

Courier: idk i do wat i want

Courier: ur fault for POSSeSSING MY BRO NOT COOL MAN 😠

Cutthroat: sowwy

Cutthroat: i wont possess this weirdo serial killer any more good bye

Cutthroat: why is chat history wieirid

Cutthroat: i didnt writer all that what ??? ?? > pls exlpain :,(

Courier: bruh just read up its not that hard

Cutthroat: meanie !!!! i hat u die 

Courier: aGAIN??? Y U ALwaYS TYRRINH TO KILL ME I HATE U

You have been blocked by Courier

“Oh shoot bro, i didn't mean to block Cutthroat san! I shoul-”

Courier was interrupted by his vocal chords being pierced by a knife. He tried to say “AGAIN??” but he had no vocal chords. He shuffled over to the emergency room, but died before he could be healed.

_ (Courier death count: 2) _

Do not fear, he was revived for the second time by a super cool doctor named Frog Frog. When Courier woke up in a hospital bed, he saw Dr. Frog looking down at him. He screamed, “YOU!” and lunged at Dr. Frog. 

“I’ll kill you!” Courier said. He snapped Dr. Frog’s neck, but Dr. Frog snapped it back into place and drowned Courier. Underwater, Courier gargled, “AGAIN?”

_ (Courier death count: 3) _

“HI COURIER SENPAI! SORRY I GOT YOU KILLED XD, I ONLY MEANT TO KILL YOUR VOCAL CHORDS SO YOU COULD NEVER TALK AGAIN! MY BAD” Cutthroat said, breaking in through a window. He killed Dr. Frog with a very sharp knife, then picked up Courier’s waterlogged corpse. He swung out of the window like spiderman, and landed on his face, breaking all his bones. 

“JOKES ON YOU, I DIDN’T NEED THOSE BONES ANYWAY!” Cutthroat said, removing all his bones from his body with intensive surgery. His true form emerged, a blob of flesh with knives. The sight was so shocking that Courier came back alive. 

“WHAT THE HECK? WHERE ARE YOUR BONES?” he screamed.

“I DIDN’T NEED EM! LET’S GO TO THE POND AND GO FROG WATCHING!”

“NO! I HATE FROGS.”

“I MEANT FROG KILLING! SILLY ME LOL.”

“OH OK SURE!”

Courier and Cutthroat went to the pond, then found and killed 967 frogs. They jumped with joy, and Cutthroat decided to open the frogs up and have their intestines as a little snack. They tasted so good, and the frog blood was an exquisite dipping sauce. Many, many hours passed. The amount of frogs killed went up to 11037. 

Cutthroat was still hungry, so he decided to eat more frogs. However, he made the terrible mistake of killing the god of frogs, the most sacred, and treasured frog. After killing the frog god, the sky turned pure black, and an army of demonic frogs rained from the sky, alongside thunder and lightning. Courier managed to kill off just a few out of the thousands that were attacking. Cutthroat screamed happily, and killed frogs for days on end. 

But the frog rain never stopped. The fly and mosquito population dropped intensely. Cities were terrorized by frogs. The frog extermination company made millions. The sky kept on raining frogs, and Courier remembered just how much he hated them, so he set up an explosive that would destroy the entire world, just so there would be no more frogs. He laughed maniacally and flipped the switch for doomsday. The whole world blew up and everybody died. 

The end. 

**Author's Note:**

> i like frog


End file.
